They eventually settled down:
I loved my dreads, for reasons I couldn't put my finger on. Then life got chaotic, I never learned to upkeep them, and asked Andrea to and she said no once and that was enough to send me into a fit of martyrism and I had her brush them out.
Shorty after this I cut off and donated about 10" to cancer patients which was very cool. My hair went through many changes, and during the 4 years of not having dreads I went through extreme emotional upheaval as this blog can certainly attest to.
It still didn't feel right. I was beginning to come out of my shell of bipolar hell and really wanted to begin to find myself. Yet, at every step of the way I would be angry with myself about my hair. I regretted taking my dreads out even while I was taking them out. I was going to have Andrea put them back in after my ECT was done, but I have come to realize that my ECT will never for sure be done, and why wait for that.