I am in a dark place.
A very dark place.
Hope has essentially vanished.
I took my first lorazepam last night and it made me into my worst fear - a zombie. I couldn't feel anything good or anything bad. I just, was. It wasn't crappy then. Only when I woke up and realized what had happened.
I take 6 pills a day now.
I feel like I can still feel some of the effects. I have no "eumph!" to my step or personality. I just am.
I am losing hope in a very quick way. I am not longer scared - and that thought should frighten me - but I feel nothing.
What have I done to myself?