Tuesday, 25 October 2011

4 medications

I am in a dark place.

A very dark place.

Hope has essentially vanished.

I took my first lorazepam last night and it made me into my worst fear - a zombie. I couldn't feel anything good or anything bad. I just, was. It wasn't crappy then. Only when I woke up and realized what had happened.

I take 6 pills a day now.

I feel like I can still feel some of the effects. I have no "eumph!" to my step or personality. I just am.

I am losing hope in a very quick way. I am not longer scared - and that thought should frighten me - but I feel nothing.

What have I done to myself?

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