Wednesday, 26 October 2011

The Dark Passenger's Friend

So I have had my second night on Lorazepam. Im scared.

See, the dark passenger has this friend that I have been well acquainted with in the past. His name is addiction. I was addicted to pain killers for a while, and I know I have an addictive personality. I dont like the way the lorazepam makes me feel. I dont like to feel numb, and dead and empty. But, Im addicted to the feeling different - or my body is anyways. I am currently craving it. Im actually having a good day today - and I truly hope it continues. But now that Im not fighting off depression, I find myself fighting off his friend.

Its never just cut and dry - its always something. I dont want to crave that medication. I want to just be normal. I want to just be happy and level and at ease. All these meds are changing who I am; as to be expected I suppose.

What do I do? If I give into depression that means I get the meds that my body is telling me I want. But I hate feeling that level of depression, and I actually dont like the feeling lorazepam gives me.

WTF do I do now?

No comments:

Post a Comment