Monday, 31 October 2011

No Headway

Yesterday didn't go so bad - thought I might actually be making progress, like this plan might work. Its why I agreed to stay home from work today.

Today, at 1:00p - it is far more a failure than a success. Already the depressive thoughts have swarmed back in. Andrea is angry and frustrated with me because this was her last idea - and it was a good idea. I get overwhelmed and anxious at the drop of a hat with the simplest of things. I simply cannot.handle.life.

I dont know what to do with myself. I can hang out in my room all day watching old episodes of amazing race and knitting up a storm - but even that makes me feel guilty, overwhelmed, useless, and a waste of space: but thats the best I feel. I could go to work and attempt to forget about home - but even at work my anxiety and depression has caused me to be a less then stellar employee.

Im stuck. Everyone has tried everything and its now up to me - only I have no ideas, and no strength.

I really am a useless waste of space.

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