Friday, 25 November 2011


I'm anxious and nervous to hear back from wiggers. I don't know why. I want him to change something. Maybe I'm scared of being out here on my own. Maybe I want to go back until I feel okay to handle it. Maybe I want the zombie drugs so I don't have to feel. Maybe I need the talk support therapy to happen right now in order to help me. I really want him to change or do something. I'm not sure.

Maybe I'm expecting this to be easier than its going to be, maybe this is what it feels like and this is getting better. But the anxiety I feel right now doesn't feel right. The feeling of panic when being physically close to someone doesn't feel right. The urges to self harm don't feel right - but maybe it's all part of the process.

Maybe I really am going crazy...

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