Thursday, 17 November 2011

Fail

I had it all planned. I was so excited. I though I could actually do it. I went home early, made muffins, played with the kids. Had dinner - and then something happened after dinner and I crashed. Hard.

I so wanted us to go out for drinks, and to fabricland - it would have been fun. It would have been good for us. Instead, I was balled up in my little emotional cocoon of depression, and I couldn't get out. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for me. I don't know how to stop these things from happening, or how to get out of them when they do.

All I wanted was one anniversary of something that I was happy for. Most holidays are filled with stress, and birthdays don't agree with me - this was my chance to actually have an important day not be filled with bad memories. They day only happens once, why couldn't I hold off.

I feel like a complete failure. I've let myself down. Today started too early, and I am still all drowsy from the meds. Plus its cold in here - How do I stop the bad mood today.

I'm so unbelievably tired of this.

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