Friday, 18 November 2011

Unsettled

My insides are quivering...its hard to explain. Its like my internal self is shaking and I don't know why. Wiggers upped my prozac to 20mg yesterday. Maybe its that - I don't know.

I'm hoping he isn't doing the prozac test on me - you know where they give you prozac to see if you have a manic episode - that pretty much gaurantees you are bi-polar. I don't care if I am bi-polar, well I do, but I don't want to be thrown back into a manic state just to find out for sure. Neither myself nor Andrea nor my family can handle another episode. I need to keep it together for a little while.

The internal shaking has no turned external ish (I started writing this and then left for about 5 hours). Is this how normal feels? Am I just happy? I mean, I found out my job might sponsor my schooling - which is awesome. And I haven't been freezing cold all day today. I am hungry but whatevs. Or is this the beginning of mania? Why would I be manic though? My Prozac *just* went up. But my legs are bouncing up and down, not being able to sit still.

I'm sure this is all in my head. This is how happy feels. This is how normal feels. This is how I should feel all the time.

I guess the real test will be if I stay happy or whatever when I go home....

No comments:

Post a Comment