Monday, 12 December 2011

Clothed and Covered

I've given up in terms of my weight. Before it used to depress me, but now, I just can't care. I've gained 50lbs in like 8 months. I'm already large. Wiggers says we will deal with it later, and I guess, emotionally I'll deal with it later - I've done enough crying and obsessing over it. This is my body, as it is, right now - and I have to accept that. Because of a myriad of reasons, the biggest being the medication, followed closely by the depression as well, I am overweight. I weigh more than I want, and more than I used to. It isn't forever - but it is for right now.

I also want to change my hair. I want to stand out. I want to feel different. When I was thin, my thinness got me noticed, but now..I've sunk to the pit of average and I just want people to acknowledge my existence. I fear being forgotten in a serious way. It's why I liked dreads (other than the not having to do my hair factor), people noticed me. Apparently, I need people to see me. I'm that much of an attention whore.

IDK..I guess I'm just feeling average. And that combined with the whole blahness of my emotions lately makes me crave excitement, crave life. I just want to to feel something yk?

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