Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Off and Angry

I don't even want to write today. I just am because I have nothing else to do at work. I'm so flipping angry this morning. It's not even extra energy, or doesn't feel like it - it just feels like built up aggression. I want to punch something.

Wiggers emailed me bac
k on Friday and 'compromised' with keeping me on the divalproex and adding effexor. I hated being on the effexor before - it had the most side effects of any of the medications I've tried. Yes, it worked the best for my depression, but it was so hard on me. If I was off in time taking my next dose the withdrawals would start almost immediately. Headache, weight gain, nausea, loss of libido, heightened anxiety, and what I deemed as effexor exhaustion - where if I sat for longer than 10 minutes I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Thus far I haven't experienced all of those, and maybe I won't, maybe it will be different this time around or when combined with the divalproex. I am trying to have hope - but still, its effexor. The only one worse than effexor for side effects was cymbalta, though lithium is pretty close too I guess.

Fuck medication sucks.

I drove an hour to work, worked for 3, and now have to drive an hour home. Such a pointless morning. Really could have used the money. *sigh* I gotta lift this mood before I get home, or do something when I get there to help myself. I have no ideas though, it just feels like its going to stick around.

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