I feel like I`m going to puke.
Sad songs on youtube - nothing is quite right. Adele comes close.
I am done.
I think a part of her hates me and resents me.
My kids deserve such a better mom than I can be.
I can`t work today.
I can`t get a handle on myself or my thoughts or my feelings. I am starting to wonder if I ever will. I`m destroying Andrea. I`m sabotaging myself. And I can`t stop it.
I see Wiggers today. I am terrified he will commit me. I am terrified he won`t.
I honestly can`t do this anymore. I am a prisoner in my own head.
I long for the days before I went crazy. I no longer can recall what control over myself feels like.
I can`t stop eating. I wish I could. I die a little inside with every bite of food. I hate what its doing to my body, I hate how it makes me feel.
I hate myself. I want to be somebody else.
I want to walk forever, I want to hole up all by myself and never move.
I want my sanity back.
I used to be the strong one. I used to have everything under control. I used to be thin. I used to be happy. I used to be able to make her laugh. I used to be able to cuddle with them forever. I used to have high hopes for my future. I used to..I used to..I USED TO!
I`m falling apart. I`ve already fallen. I`ve used all the resources I have.
I feel lost. I feel trapped. I feel dead. I feel hopeless.
I`ve let everyone down.