Monday, 27 February 2012

Overreactions and Cipralex

I was without cipralex for part of the day on Sunday. I cant describe how that felt. it was quite scary. I was ashamed and hated myself for needing it, and could feel myself slipping away emotionally. I was terrified of the fact that I didn't have it. I was almost in a panicked state. Evidently I have come to depend on it, and I hate that. It's scary to start the journey to being okay with depending on a medication to make you happy (especially for me who is so against medication) and then being told that you can't have it. It was an awful day for so many reasons.

But, I wanted to review a blog article I read. This one is from Bipolar Burble whose link is on my blog list to the right. There is an article about emotional overreaction and depression . I resonated so much with this article. Andrea can attest to it. It so hard to explain to someone who isn't going through it, who doesn't know what it's like to have one minor thing cause your whole self worth to be called into question.

That's what it's like for me. I can be having a decent or even good day - and then " Suddenly something bad happening is about you. It’s your fault. It proves that you are dysfunctional. It proves that no one loves you now or ever will in the future.

The article suggests some things to try:
"Here are some suggestions for avoiding an emotional overreaction thanks to depression:
-Remember that life events neither confirm nor deny who you are. They aren’t about you.
-Nip overreaction in the bud – it’s easier to survive a breeze than a hurricane.
-Use your self-talk. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to someone else who this happened to.
-Do a reality check. Don’t know if you’re having a reasonable reaction? Check with others.
-Do something else – pass by the event by moving on to something you want to do, maybe something that engages others who can affirm who you are.

I don't like these. With the exception of a reality check. I don't really know what will work for me. But I know Andrea likes to ask whats wrong, and then I tell her (even if its something small and silly), and sometimes her reaction makes it worse. She will call it stupid, or make it seem like I am overreacting - which I already know I am. I know its stupid - but that doesn't change the fact that I feel it.

I don't know. Maybe for me, I need some outward affirmation that yes this seems horrible, and yes it feels like the end of the world. But, it will pass, and I am still loved. I know I need to know these things on my own; I'll get there one day. I'm just not there yet. And I still overreact - and I still feel the world is against me and I am unlovable sometimes.

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