Thursday, 21 June 2012

Running Review

I read This article a little while back. The blog is a fitness blog about a mama who gained quite a bit of weight after having kids, and vowed to get it off - she has done a great job. In it, sometimes, she discusses her battles with feeling blue or being mildly depressed. This specific entry caught my eye. Unlike her other entries it wasn't filled with inspirational crap, or the I did it and so can you, or the look how amazing I am things that I noticed tend to run rampant on her and many other fitness blogs. This post talks about how she was in a funk, and hadn't been to the gym in quite a while, she kept making excuses. Finally - she just did it. After her work out, she admits:

"I can’t promise you that working out will make you feel “better”, but it sure as hell won’t make you feel worse.

So that has been my motto for the past two weeks. I am NOT NOT in anyway trying to lose weight, I can't handle that right now. What I can handle is trying to exercise, and if I get to the point where I think weight loss could be something I can handle without falling apart then I will try to modify my eating. Food is still my best friend and enemy. I am 176lbs. I fear getting to 180, and then 200. But I am trying to accept that right now I am doing the best I can by running.

So I run. Sometimes I cry through my run, sometimes I have to lay on my bed for an hour before I can make myself get up. Most of the time it doesn't make me feel better, half the time it makes me feel defeated - but I do it. I run because I know its good for me in more ways than just for my physical health.

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