Monday, 2 July 2012

Meds Meds Time Away

Ao the cipralex was good, but even on its strongest dose it wasn't lasting. Even taking downing the epival didn't help as I was sent hypomanic. So he put ne on wellbutrin, and that saw no change in my suicidal or self harm thinking - so he decided to put me on abilify. Abilify is that drug that has akk those connercials where the risk of side effects is longer than the commercial.

Within 6 days n abilify I was experienc ing kinasesia (or something like that) where you are all jittery and angry and can't sit still. Sort of like mania, but without the happiness. It honestly feels like part of your brain and body are going crazy. It got worse and I actually managed to get him while he was at a conference. He told ne stop the abilify for 3 days and then go on half of what I was taking. We are still slowing the epival. The first day back on the abilify, I became half all jittery and half manic.

To this date, today, I am like a sleep walker...Idk. Im all fuzzy and frazzled, and can't remember things. I have another appoinment on the 6th.

I've also been put on the waitlist to be admitted to the hospital for a detox program for all the meds I've taken. Maybe find the right one. Who knows when I;ll get in.

I'm also worried about getting addicted to Ativan. I have an addictive personality.

RUNNING...is well happenning. Meditation is trying to happen. Im tryng to make strides....

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