Still sad and fat.
I feel so giant lately. Like even more giant than I did before. Even more unattractive. Even more ugly. I have wrinkles on my forehead, rolls on my stomach, cellulite on my legs. I have no curves, I have no boobs and no ass. I'm so disgusted with myself. It's so hard to get dressed every morning knowing that anything I put on isn't going to make me look or feel any better. Plus I am slowly running out of pants/shorts. Soon I'll have one pair.
I had to go out in public the other day to a parent's night. All the mom's there were thin, or thinner than me. They were healthy and vibrant looking. I hate going out in public. I hate being one of the largest people in a crowd. I hate knowing that when I go I have no confidence in myself so I look how I feel. I know that if I could find a way to get some confidence in my looks that I would present myself in a much better way. As it stands, I don't, and as a result, I hate going out in public. Yet I have to - again and again. Even work is getting hard for me to go to. They are all young and fit and in shape. And I am old and bulgy and unhealthy.
IDK....I'm just tired of hating myself.