Monday, 8 October 2012

Drugs

I don't wanna take em. That's for sure. Every day is a struggle to take them. I don't know why this changed. Could be I am still in the midst of a a depression, and that is affecting my judgement. Could be I am staring to question the validity of the pills and whether or not they work or are working.

Another thing is, I want to nurse the baby. The medication I am on now prevents me from doing so. I want to wean off of them, but wiggers tells me I can't, and Andrea I don't think wants me to. It's like everyone is conspiring against me to keep me on these damn pills when I don't want to be on them anymore. I KNOW I KNOW I will probably be on some sort of medication for the rest of my life.I know I have a condition, a disease, that prevents my brain from functioning normally - but does that mean I have to be on so many medications or that I can't be on one's that will help me be closer to my baby and share the mother role more with Andrea?

It's frustrating. It's frustrating to have to be reminded to take my pills. If she wasn't watching me or asking I wouldn't take them. Not because I forget but because I simply don't want to. I take them so I don't disappoint or anger her. I hate that she is my babysitter. She should be my partner.

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