Monday, 19 November 2012

I'm tired

I'm tired of people telling me I look tired all the time. Everyone comments on it. A) I know I'm tired, I have kids and they still wake up often. B) My meds make me tired and I hate it too and C) What am I supposed to say? No, I'm not tired, I actually slept well last night but thanks for telling me how I look.

It's frustrating for me. I too am tired of being tired all the time. I'm sick of falling asleep anytime I stay sitting for more than 20 minutes. I know I've written about this before,  but I had three people I look tired today, and the thing is, I actually slept last night, and feel well rested. Granted it was half a sick sleep - but I didn't have to get up at 5:30a with a child. In my books that's a good sleep!

On another med causing note and one I've talked about before. Andrea saw a picture of me from just after I had Remy and commented how happy I look and how my eyes look like they want to be smiling more. This makes me cry every time she brings it up. Especially since their are times when I actually feel truly happy, only, I guess, my eyes and face don't express it the way they used to. I think my meds dull me. I mean they dull my depression and my mania - why wouldn't the dull my usual every day self too.

This devastates me. How am I supposed to convey to her how happy I am with her, and how happy she makes me when my face lies and just shows that I'm tired (lol) or emo. She does make me truly happy, I just wish I could show her that with my eyes.

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