Tuesday, 5 February 2013

If this is bipolar....

....I hate it even more.

Andrea and I were talking last night about my depression as of late. She says normally it last for a couple of days, but I know this one has lasted for a couple of weeks - it is a true depression.

I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing. Exercising, eating well, trying to take time for me, working on my self esteem book - but I cant seem to shake it. I kept trying to think of what the one piece I was missing was. What I wasn't doing that would just snap me out of it.

Then Andrea pointed out that "maybe this is just what bipolar is"

This is bipolar? I get depressed for no reason, and can't get out of it until the cycle goes away. This is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life? This is what my family has to go through?

That's not fair to me, or to them. But it's part of the disease evidently. I hate bipolar. I hate hate hate hate it, but I need to find a way to learn to accept that this is who I am now, but I am still okay.

I talked to wiggers on the phone yesterday. He was less than helpful. He told me the stomach issues were probably caused by the metformin - which I knew. He said to stop taking them, and maybe without the vomiting etc - I would come out of my depression. WTF EH? No mention of the tiredness, no mention of how to get out of this depression except for the metformin. This is the one I didn't want to go off of. It's the weightloss one. What if it's keeping me stable at my weight, and now that I am off it, I am going to start gaining again. That's what I was doing before. I'm worried, and upset, and angry.

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