Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Sad Fat Girl 13

We dont have a full length mirror at home. This is probably a good thing. They had one, well, almost one, at the hotel we were staying at in Vancouver, and I caught many glimpses of myself both clothed and naked in that mirror.

How has this become my body? I didnt go into a shame spiral thankfully, but I did become really self conscious - and that continues to today. All I can think of is how is this my body?

How did I let myself become this person who has rolls, and folds, and cellulite. How did I allow this to happen?

I need to do something to change this. Im going to step up my running, and run harder - or try to. When we get our computer back I am GOING TO DO WORKOUTS on my off days. Any time I need motivation I just need to think of looking in that mirror.

However, for the time being, I want to hide. I want to wear baggy clothes, even if they make me look bigger - I just feel better in them.

I am going to change this. I am embarrassed to be in public, ashamed that Andrea is with me, and now incredibly aware of every part of my body. It isn't fun.

I am disgusted with the way I look. I thought I looked better than I actually do. I mean, I know I am large, but I still didn't realize it was this bad.

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