So things are going well. I had my appointment with Wiggers, and he split up my medication, put me on another instead of my caffeine pills that will hopefully keep me awake. It seems to be working, and I didn't suffer caffeine withdrawal - except for the headaches.
I was tempted to join bipolar burble's facebook page the other day. I enjoy, tremendously, reading her articles and the comments on them. However, I didn't want to announce to the world that I was bipolar - and I think that would. However, with some thought I think I am going to. Why should I let the opinions of people I hardly see stop me from supporting the people who have helped or enlightened me throughout this journey.
I feel relatively normal lately, I have good days and bad ones just like anyone else who isn't suffering a mental illness, but that's a good thing. If my life were always on the level than I wouldn't know what a good day was. I feel a little on the cusp of a hypomanic episode but I think that because of the recent big changes that are taking place. They cause my adrenalin to rush and that feels similar to the beginnings of that kind of mania.
There are big, and scary, changes ahead for me. I am going back to school which will be an added stress on me that I am sure I can cope with, and there are some family things going on as well which are exciting and wonderful that also come with some stress. I know the tools I have, the medication I am on, my experience, and the support of those I love will enable me to get through any of the oncoming challenges I am going to be facing.
I am so happy to not be rapid cycling anymore. It was so rough to have those highs and lows every other day, and so draining to go through it. It really made me question, even on good days, if I wanted to continue living like this, living with bipolar. It's a rough road to go down, and I didn't really grasp how permanent this was going to be until this last rapid cycling. This really is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
But not right now, right now I am still fighting off those thoughts successfully, my brain is in check and I am going to keep it that way for as long as I can hold on.