Tuesday, 19 March 2013

My triggers

Taking my meds in the mid afternoon seems to be working better for me. I feel much more balanced and much more like myself lately. I have even started knitting on a regular basis again. I know this is, as bipolar goes, a good wave - but I'm hoping it sticks around for a while.

Im stressed a bit about money lately, and about the potential for me going back to school. I don't know how we are going to manage on one income, or me with my workload if I get into school. How am I supposed to take care of my work and family obligations, which I don't have a balance of yet, and add to that an MBA workload? It is going to be a challenge - however, I do enjoy being busy and find it focuses me more and keeps away the dark thoughts. I like to keep those away.

I still cry when I think about my body, but I have found renewed motivation to do something about it. It seems to come with my more balanced moods. I guess that should be a good indicator of an impending down mood - a lack of motivation for fitness. Yay, I recognized one of my signs. It's one of the first things to go when I am feeling low.

I did end up joining that facebook group that I talked about and I am enjoying reading the articles. I have yet to post anything in it, however, because I am still a little shy on that front. But, in a non-direct way, I have told the world (the facebook world) that either I am bipolar or I know someone who is. This is a huge step. I always saw it as a weakness, but I am beginning to see it as merely a part, and not all, of who I am. This is another sign of a down for me, when I feel it consuming me, or feel it becoming all of who I am then I should know I am on my way in a downward spiral.

It's good that I can recognize some of my signs, however, I still don't feel I have the correct tools to deal with them when they come. I need to think of some and get them in place before my next down comes so that I am adequately prepared for it.

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