Thursday, 16 May 2013

Lost

Yesterday was the first day in a while where I felt truly alone and lonely. Though I think Andrea was feeling the same way - which doesn't bring much consolation to either of us I'm sure.

We had a rough afternoon wherein we fought, about Ziggy, and then stopped talking to each other. When I get home I asked her two questions, about yarn, and those were the only words we really said to each other. I had to go out for a meeting, and when I got home she was already asleep in bed.

I think we, everyone, forget that even when we feel alone, sad, depressed etc we still have partners and children to care for. It's easy to get through it and care for the children, but we expect so much of our partners. We assume they will always be our rock, and always be compassionate - but the truth is they have their own shit to deal with. That's the case right now. This pregnancy has been more difficult for me than I imagined it would (also way better than I imagined it would be - very conflicting), and, historically speaking, I have become dependent on Andrea to help me through these rough times. What I realized yesterday, and for a while now, is that though I do need compassion and support I also have to be willing to hear Andrea's emotional turmoil and be there for her in more ways than I have been. Not to say I have been completely negligent to her needs, but I could have been a lot better of a partner yesterday. I think we both could have been. We were both so wrapped up in what we were experiencing that it was impossible to be compassionate with the other side.

Everyone falters, no partnership is without these issues, I am glad that today we have managed to work through it and are talking again. I know we can support each other, and I know we can be there for each other - it's just a matter of remembering that we both need each other.

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