Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Working Hard for the Money

I'm feeling a lot of increased stress and thus anxiety over the fact that my working supports our family. I have had several panic attacks at the thought of me getting into a car accident, or tripping, or becoming otherwise impaired - not because I would be injured, or in pain, but because I wouldn't be able to work and then what would my whole family do? I need to work, I have to work - and knowing that is a lot of stress and pressure.

I'm trying to calm my anxieties by realizing that if I were injured there is insurance or whatever, I think that's how it works, to help cover things. And we have very loving family members who would help out either with finances or with child care so Andrea could go to work. I am also trying to tell myself that things are no different now than they were 6 months ago when I wasn't having anxiety over this.

Maybe things are different now, now that we are having another baby. With the girls, I wasn't the primary breadwinner. Even now Craig pays child support and still helps take care of them, and Dave pays child support for the boys - so the kids we already have are being supported by us *as well as* their fathers. With this new baby on the way we will be the sole providers for it - there will be no one available to help us, financially, should things get rough. I think that is playing a part in my anxiety over this.

Plus, I am starting school soon and am really beginning to wonder if now is the right time. I feel like I should hold off for a year and get settled with Ziggy and the new budget, and then go to school - rather than doing it all at one time. I don't know how to approach Andrea and/or Cliff with this as they are both so gung-ho on me going. I know it's also partially nerves that are swaying my decision on whether or not I should be going. And I know, realistically, that though things will be tight, we can do this. We can afford for me to go to school, and it will be good for me in the long run - financially speaking. I'm just so worried. What if I don't get that raise because the company doesn't have enough money? What if the company falls under because we can't get our tea business together? What if, What if, What if?

So much anxiety lately, it's really taking a tole on me.

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