Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Olanzapine

Olanzapine is the devil I tell ya.

So after pretty much not sleeping one night, and the next night beginning to rationally think another long walk (my last walk was 17km's) was a good idea, I caved and took an olanzapine. It's like my make you go to sleep because you're hypo manic drug. It did put me to sleep.

Unfortunately, it made me a zombie the next day. I was so tired, and was falling asleep while playing with the kids. Also, like last time I took it, I was so apathetic towards everything. I just didn't care.

It also has sent me into a bit of a down mood. It could be the partial drop from the hypo manic state, combined with the lack of modafinil making me tired - but I am feeling quite down and hopeless about things.

Everything is stressing me out. The amount of time I spend with the kids, how I should be working harder, what other people think of me, what *I* think of me, how my relationship with Andrea could be improved, etc etc etc..oh and don't forget all the money worries floating around my head. They are just all bombarding me and clouding all of my thoughts.

I don't fully blame the drug, I mean I blame it a little. I would definitely prefer to be manic, I just need to find an outlet for that evening energy I have. Something I actually want to be doing. I really enjoy night time walks, and the long ones really get rid of all that pent up agitation I feel. But there must be something else I can do with that energy, something more productive that isn't disruptive to myself or my family.

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