Saturday, 3 May 2014

Worthless

So I went to that walk in Counselling at the health unit the other day. The guy I saw was nice but I don't think it really helped anything. He suggested that I would feel better about my life and myself if I had a job again - because I would feel I had a purpose. 

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean I'd like to feel like I have a purpose, but I don't recall feeling like I had one when I was working. I felt like my purpose was to bring home a paycheque, but didn't really feel like I was valued where I was, at least not by myself. 

I don't know what I can to. I'm not doing this home thing very well, like at all. It's like I've forgotten how to be a stay at home mom. I'm doing more harm than good here, but there is nowhere for me to go. I have no skills. 

I went to the duncan farmers market this morning and talking to people put me in such a good mood. I felt lighter and happier, and just full of joy. I think I need to work somewhere where I am able to talk to people in person. 

Andrea wants to make and sell things. That would be tons of fun, but what would we sell? I don't feel we would make anything good enough, well I know I wouldn't, Andrea definitely would, I could sell her stuff. She has drive and motivation, I just want to sleep all day. She has the ability to learn new skills, I can't even get adequate at things I already know. All I'm good at is talking, that's it, that's my only skill. 

Going to counselling didn't help. The dbt group has a four month wait list. And ect is ruining my brain. I'm becoming more and more broken.

What's the point? 

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