Sunday, 20 July 2014

Fat

I am fat. I am so so fat. Obese even. I've been trying to find suit pants and jacket for a new job but I'm too fat for anything. I need to lose weight. I don't want to be fat. Teo calls me fat (even though I know he doesn't know what the word means) and it hurts. 

I need to try, while I'm feeling decent, to lose weight. I need to start good habits now so that they are habits when I'm feeling down. Maybe it will help keep me level, keep me normal. 

I'm really trying not to let this weight thing get to me. I'm really trying to stay as positive as I can, but I also know that putting any attention on my weight has a tendency to bring me down, which is why I often just ignore it. I avoid my triggers when I know what they are. I can't keep avoiding this one, but how can I put attention on it and focus on my weight without letting it drag me into depression again. 

I don't know what I need or how to do this. I know for my physical health and sanity I need to lose weight, that's about all I've got right now...

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