Thursday, 27 November 2014

I don't think I'm ready for therapy

I went for my intro session with a holistic counselor last night. He uses focusing, parts work, and core transformation to help guide people through things. He made some comments that made me think he wasn't a fan of people taking medication, and said he didn't have a lot of experience with serious mental illness. This kind of set me aback a little bit. I don't need someone to be an expert, but I want them to feel confident that they can help me - because I sure don't.

We did some focusing work. I found my happy place (I named it that), found some inner strength and asked myself what it was I wanted to work on. I was bombarded with things and overwhelmed with the shear magnitude of what seemed like all my problems. I didn't know how to pick just one. It felt like there were so many more problems than my storage of inner strength could handle. He asked me to go into that feeling and see what it wanted. It wanted to take all hope, to kill me, and to succeed into oblivion. So that's fantastic.

I realized though, that I am not sure I am ready for therapy. I don't know that I can count on myself to actually do the work that I need to do. For this, it's 15 minutes a day - and I know it doesn't sound like much, but I can't see myself actually doing that. Maybe it's because I don't think it will work. Maybe it's because I'm afraid it will. I don't know. I just don't want to waste time and money on something that I am not going to do the homework for. I'm not sure what to do here.

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