Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Crisis Averted - For Now

A combination of an amazing support system, running, sleeping, time,  meds, and trying really hard got me out entering into a really bad place. Andrea struggled a bit in the beginning with her own emotions as my depression seemed to start to hit hard on the same day that Craig lost his job so it was like everything was going wrong...I felt bad; both for myself and for her. I honestly feel at times that I am ruining her life and how much easier it would be without me in it. Sometimes even on my good days I feel that way. I am a lot, even for me, to handle some times - and to have to handle me on top of the kids and the house and herself, I don't know how she does it.

For the time being I am in a better place again. I am taking my meds regularly, I am trying to run regularly, I am trying to identify when it is I need to actively do something tangible in order to distract myself. It is a constant battle, and one that I fight every day. It's especially prevalent if I am tired, so negative thoughts and feelings tend to hit me hard in the evenings when my brain and body are just too tired to keep fighting them and pushing them away. Andrea has been there to remind me it's just because I'm tired, and I am trying to recognize warning signs before it gets too bad.

I feel like a child, but at least I am a semi capable child now instead of one who lays in bed all day and never showers.

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