Monday, 23 March 2015

My Hair

Back in October of 2009 I dreaded my hair for the first time. Hair has always been a thing for me. I have done multiple colours, tried multiple style and never really found anything that felt quite right. Then I met Andrea, she dreaded her hair and I convinced her to dread mine.

They eventually settled down:

I loved my dreads, for reasons I couldn't put my finger on. Then life got chaotic, I never learned to upkeep them, and asked Andrea to and she said no once and that was enough to send me into a fit of martyrism and I had her brush them out.

Shorty after this I cut off and donated about 10" to cancer patients which was very cool. My hair went through many changes, and during the 4 years of not having dreads I went through extreme emotional upheaval as this blog can certainly attest to.
 I then went to short and red, longer and black, long and natural (it actually got quite a bit longer than this picture on the left), and then I went short and red again.

It still didn't feel right. I was beginning to come out of my shell of bipolar hell and really wanted to begin to find myself. Yet, at every step of the way I would be angry with myself about my hair. I regretted taking my dreads out even while I was taking them out. I was going to have Andrea put them back in after my ECT was done, but I have come to realize that my ECT will never for sure be done, and why wait for that.

So I have dreads again. They are short, and crazy, and not really maintained. They are more freedom locks than anything else, as I hear that's the new name for neglect dreads. It sounds so small. But I honestly feel more right, and happier since having them back in. I feel more able to access my spiritual self, and actually have some confidence in being able to figure out what I want to do with myself and my life. I have done reading, as has Andrea, about the spiritual significance of hair - but that is mostly focused on having long hair. But there is something freeing about letting go of your hair, Letting it tangle and look chaotic - which so many people avoid. I am learning patience through this process, and honestly, it just feels like it's the way things are supposed to be. I have no intentions of ever taking these out.