Wednesday, 29 April 2015

It's only one night.

Its that dark passenger that's lurking behind me stealing my motivation. It's the story of my life. I have so many things I want to do, so many things I should be doing, and yet, when I have the time - I don't take it because I always find an excuse: "it's too late" "I'm no good at it anyway" "it won't matter" "nothing's going to change" "what's the point" and on and on. So then I don't do anything. Nothing is accomplished and I have failed. 

I want to go to yoga. I want to meditate. I want to spend more time outside. I want to play my guitar. I want to listen to Steve's songs, I want to do my values book, I want to do my dbt book, I want to do my funeral director book, I want to read, I want to knit, I want to watch greys anatomy....I went to he's defeated instead.

There isn't enough time in the day. I work until 5, then dinner, then kids, by that time it's minimum 7:30 and there is no time to accomplish everything so I quit and do nothing.

I'm a lazy quitter. This is why I don't set goals. This is why I don't try new things. I don't stick with it. I fail. Sigh. 

The dark passenger is winning tonight and I'm hoping it's just for tonight. Hoping I wake up fresh and ready to try again but then tomorrow night will come and I'll have the same problem. I never do anything, I quit everything. I waste my time because I don't feel I'm worth any of it.