About Me and My Dark Passenger

My name is Lindsay, I was born in 1985. I am a working mom of five beautiful children. I have a wonderful fiance Andrea, whom I love to pieces.

I believe I had my first bought of depression when I was 14. I started cutting. I have cut on and off since that time. I have tried to commit suicide twice and come close to trying several other times.

I've also had periods of mania - sexual exploits, all nighters, grandiose expectations of myself. I also have always thought in straight black and white - a trait that I both love and hate about myself.

After my life went through an emotional whirlwind, I was thrown into a deep depression. I have since tried a lot of different medications, seen three different therapists, a psychiatrist and been hospitalized multiple times.

My psychiatrist thinks a combo of bipolar and borderline personality disorder with some obsessive compulsive tendencies, as well as attachment issues. I am hoping to find a way to live with my disorders, and manage them in a healthy way. I don't harbour any delusions that I will be able to get rid of them all together, but I would like to be able to co-exist some how.

I nicknamed my depression and my disorder as my dark passenger. He is outside of me. In my mind he is sitting beside me in a car. A dark figure who cannot completely control me, but can control where and how I drive. Sometimes I feel like he takes the wheel from me completely.